R E S . . . PECT
When Gavin Newsom was Mayor of San Francisco, he decided, in clear violation of then existing law, to issue marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples. I was opposed to the idea. From a civil rights perspective, I felt that civil unions were adequate to address the rights of gay and lesbian couples and I thought the last thing we needed was a new battle in the culture war.
Then I read an editorial piece that posed the question: As someone who espouses conservative or libertarian values, how can you be opposed to the idea of two people wishing to make a commitment, for better or worse, in sickness and health, until death do them part? The logical implication being that such a commitment deserved public acknowledgement and celebration. That argument started to change my thinking.
I then spoke at length to a few gay and lesbian acquaintances who had gotten married. Their obvious joy and sense of commitment added emotional impetus to a change of position on the issue.
It is too early to make a final judgement, but it appears that the divorce rate is lower for gay couples than straight couples, leading me to believe that gay couples seem to be taking the institution more seriously. I therefore have gained a great deal of respect for the cause of gay marriage.
What does any of this have to do with our current social upheaval. I think both issues have to do with respect.
When I was a young man, I watched the efforts of MLK to address the issue of race. Even though I had very little money, I sent some to those who were supporting his efforts. He and his followers had a message I could understand and strongly support. They asked for a colorblind society. They asked to be judged by the content of their character as opposed to the color of their skin.
Even more important in my view was their method of asking for justice. They met violence with courage and wholly (as opposed to “mostly”) peaceful protest. They responded to hatred with dignity. They succeeded in moving our society many steps closer to the promise of the Declaration of Independence.
It is possible to change behavior in other ways. Physical force works. Intimidation works. Financial leverage works. In some cases, propaganda words, but it usually needs to be accompanied by secret police who round up those who don’t buy the propaganda. None of those methods generate respect. A reasonable argument works. If that argument is accompanied by behavior that is animated by integrity and consistency, the circle is full.
Until and unless today’s protesters and their political supporters make some effort to condemn the looters and arsonists and mount a defense of the businesses that are being looted and burned, they’ll get no respect from me.
